Thirteen Years

Thirteen years ago today, I was in a full-blown psychotic break. I was manic, having delusions brought on by a reaction to synthetic marijuana. This drug-induced psychosis caused me to walk into an emergency room 13 years ago today, August 27th, 2011. I was kept overnight and then multiple weeks in an inpatient unit, taking antipsychotics and mood stabilizers, and even spent hours/maybe days in solitary confinement. This cascaded into six years of medications, therapy, a fragmented undergraduate experience with six leaves of absence, a ton of social anxiety, and a lack of self-worth and confidence.

Fortunately, I didn’t give up, nor did my family or friends. We didn’t accept the labels and diagnoses’ and kept working through them. I struggled, self-sabotaged, tripped up multiple times, and was incredibly frustrated at the situation. But over time, with love and support, lifestyle changes, and a change in mindset, I was able to climb out of the hole and fully clear up mentally. I got sober, graduated college, lost the 40 pounds that I put on while on medication, and started to share my experience publicly.

I’ve connected deeper with friends and family, and through sharing my story, I connected with hundreds of people on a level I never could have imagined. I’ve been sober since 2018 and have been off all medications since 2016. I just went back to school and completed my Masters in Public Health with magna cum laude honors. I worked the past year and a half as a behavioral health specialist in a psychosis unit, helping the people in a position I once was in. I am now fortunate to work with one of the top minds in psychiatry and metabolic health, with a shared vision of improving the mental health system.

I don’t say that last part to brag or to look for a pat on the back. I am proud of myself and how I (we) have turned my life around in the past thirteen years. I say it because I remember so many times when I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel, when my self-talk was so negative, and when my thoughts were obsessive about what I was not. If you are going through something right now, keep going. Don’t give up.

I did not know that what I went through would make me this much stronger. It gave me depth. It gave me purpose. And I am grateful for it.

Thanks for listening. As always, please reach out if you are struggling or want to chat about any part of my story. There is no “i” in wellness.